i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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