Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize