I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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