We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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