You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
