I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
