no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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