A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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