Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
