I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was confusing and full of hummus
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
