You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
