Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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