Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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