Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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