you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
