Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
