I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
