I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
