next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
