If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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