We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
