lets start a swedish sibling band together
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
