What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
