my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
