shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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