I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
