they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
