You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
