You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you would pick up someone in the library
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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