It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
