I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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