he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
