just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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