If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
