the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
