watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My vagina just recognized that song.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize