At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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