I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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