ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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