if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The Olympian is in my bed
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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