lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
