Your face is a jimmy john
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
