these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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