you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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