he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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