When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
