Too much gin, very little bucket
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize