i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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