Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
