I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
