This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
