Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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