If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
