Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
