I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
