Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
