i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
