If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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