I want to make a zoo with you.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
