Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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