the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
