I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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