Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
