I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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