just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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