Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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