Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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