I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
