ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
