I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
