Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
