It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
